I recently received an e-mail from a church growth "expert." He was selling his latest CD series, "Six Reasons People Leave Your Church". Frankly, I was surprised that he could only come up with six. Having been a preacher for more than three decades, I could have come up with six hundred excuses I have been given for members leaving the congregation. However, the first thing you learn in the ministry is that most people never tell you the real reason.
This is not to say that they are actually lying. Some have convinced themselves that they are doing something principled when in fact they are really running away from themselves. They believe that they are in control of their lives, rather than God.
You see, many believers have been misled into thinking of a church as they would their favorite restaurant. They want convenience. They want a menu that satisfies their pallet. They want it all at a comfortable price. To achieve this, they will seek to control the church through whatever influence they have.
The flaw in their logic is this underlying assumption of them being in control. As you have heard me say many times, God is in control. Everything that happens, He either allows or causes to happen. This is true both in your life and in the church. You see, God is working not only to grow the church, but also the disciples in that church. Growing as a disciple is a difficult and often painful process. Some would rather leave than learn the lessons God is trying to teach them.
Ironically, when they leave and join another congregation, they soon become dissatisfied again. The reason being, the problem was with themselves, not the church. They will continue the cycle until God finally breaks through this false assumption that they have about themselves. Until then they will wander from congregation to congregation, or worse, just stop going to church completely.
This is not true of every person who leaves a church. There are principled reasons for leaving such as immoral, unethical, or unscriptural practices of conduct within the congregation. If one has done all they can Biblically to correct the problem, they have no choice but to seek fellowship elsewhere.
In some cases, individuals are led by God to another congregation in order to advance the Kingdom. They leave as friends and with the blessings of the church. Many times, it is only for a season of time and then they return to continue serving God with us.
Finally, the door of the church is always open. No one has ever been banned from the church in the ten years I have served as the evangelist of Crossroads. Anyone who has left is always welcome to return. However, they must return committed to supporting the vision and mission of Crossroads. Otherwise they would be just as unhappy as when they left.
2 comments:
This whole blog is the reason I have come to be so far from God. The logistic of everything is so stupid. I still go to my church but I rarely want too. It's hard to respect my minister for the way he has treated member that have chosen to move on. He said exactly what you are saying that sometimes people leave because God wants them elsewhere. Some of the people that left our church were long time members and they had a hard time leaving but our minister was so nasty to them when they left. If he is being honest about members leaving so easily and always welcome back then why doesn't it seem that way. I cant even listen to him respectfully anymore. I wonder if he is speaking from God or he is the controlling one. I don't know though. Our church has 5 elders, why do they stand idly by watching. I am very frustrated. I am starting to wonder things about God and the church that I never thought I would.
I understand what you are feeling. It is hard sometimes to be a part of a congregation that is going through some changes. However, there are few things I would encourage you to consider. First, do not lay this problem on God. People make choices, good ones and bad ones. God is working constantly in people's lives but they are still human and sinners in need of grace.
Second, do know firsthand how the minister "has treated" these members and that he was indeed "so nasty" to them? Often long time members can feel a sense of entitlement, and if they don't get their way, they think they have been mistreated. Have you spoken the minister yourself about your concerns? Always remember that there are TWO SIDES to every story. I know, from my own experience, that people can get misled into thinking that I was the problem, when in fact, their informant had the agenda.
Third, if you have spoken to the minister, and still feel he is in the wrong, go and speak to the elders. Do this in a respectful way. Be prepared to talk about the specific actions of the minister that you believe are wrong or improper. The fact that you simply disagree with him on some matter of opinion is not sufficient. You also need to be ready to listen. These men are Scriptural leaders of your congregation. Be open to the possibility that you may not have gotten ALL the facts.
Most importantly, the goal is to seek and follow God's Will for the church, not the preferences or agenda of a small group of members, regardless of how long they have been there. If you are still convinced that he is the problem, and the elders do not agree with you, then you should seek fellowship elsewhere. When you say, “I still go to my church but I rarely want too”, that portrays a dangerous spiritual attitude in regards to worship.
You should have a final conversation with the minister, and outline for him why you are leaving. Do not make a big fuss and cause division. It could be as simple as God taking the church in one direction and taking you in another.
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