If you were to ask me, “What is the hardest part of being a preacher?”, you might be surprised by the answer. I am not sure every preacher would have the same answer to that question. Each individual minister may struggle with a different aspect of the ministry. We are not all the same.
Honestly, though, in my thirty-some years of experience, I can honestly say for me the hardest part is living with a constantly broken heart. We have all had our heart broken at one time or another. Everyone who has ever loved someone knows what I am talking about. Unless you have lived a totally isolated life, you know the pain I speak of.
This may be my own character flaw or it may be the one area of my life that I have achieved some Christ-likeness. The fact is that I live with a constantly broken heart. I can remember colleagues warning me about getting too close to people of the church. Their advice was to not make friends in the congregation, and maintain a professional distance. It could be their counsel was the result of some bitter experiences in their own ministries.
What I have discovered over the years is that I cannot do this work without getting emotionally involved. I simply cannot bring myself to the point of not caring about the people I serve as an evangelist. This is not true for every job I have had.
When I have worked other jobs, I honestly made every effort toward being a great worker. I tried to do quality work and be a good employee. However, I had no emotional investment in the job. In fact, one of my supervisors criticized me in an evaluation by saying, “You come to work happy and you leave happy.” She was right because I never took the job “home” with me.
Being an evangelist, to me, is a calling more than a job. It is not about money or the size of the church, or even personal recognition. To me, it is about the lives of people. I truly believe that what God does through me is to transform people’s lives and their eternality. I cannot involve myself dispassionately in that process. It is too important.
Thus, the reason for my constantly broken heart is people. People are a messy business. They will break your heart sometimes, but they will bless it as well. Nothing feels as good as playing a small role in the transformation of someone into a disciple of Jesus Christ, to walk with them in their spiritual growth, and to see God working in them.
Such joy will, in turn, make you vulnerable to heartache when they stumble. While you know you cannot make their choices for them, you can no less turn off your concern for them. There is a danger that if you care too much, their pain can become your pain. As I often say, a sure way to insanity is to make yourself responsible for what another person says, does, or thinks. I say this for my benefit as much as anyone else’s. But it still hurts.
I do find great comfort in the realization that Jesus, Himself, suffered from a constantly broken heart. Jesus wept, and wept a lot. Because He loved deeply, He was constantly having His heart broken. Whether it was betrayal by Judas, failure by Peter, or abandonment by all His disciples, Jesus lived with a constantly broken heart.
Before the crucifixion, Jesus spoke with His disciples and said this, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:9-12).
I guess if I am going to love people as Jesus loves me, I will have to learn to live with a constantly broken heart – but a heart that also knows the joy that comes from serving Him.
